Standardized Procrastination Policy

In accordance with the principles of extreme efficiency, we hereby establish the Standardized Procrastination Policy (SPP) to maximize productivity while minimizing actual productivity.

Under this policy, all employees are required to spend at least 4 hours daily engaging in creative and highly focused procrastination activities, such as:

• Reorganizing the contents of the "To-Do" folder for 2 hours
• Watching cat videos for 1 hour
• Crafting an elaborate fantasy world where one's responsibilities are non-existent and the only deadline is the next coffee break
• Composing an 8-page essay on the philosophical implications of 'The Office' series
• Rehearsing one's responses to common workplace idioms, such as "That's not my job!"

For those seeking further guidance, we recommend consulting our Procrastination Guidelines for more information on the SPP.

Failure to comply with this policy will be met with stern letters, performance reviews, and possible mandatory attendance at "Productivity Enhancement Seminars."

Don't worry, it's all part of our Employee Wellness Program, which promises to "maximize your potential" while "minimizing your actual output."